Back in May 2006 I posted a blog entry entitled 'to baby or not to baby
' about whether or not to have children... At the beginning of this year I started writing short book on this topic, I may post some of it up here one day - I got about halfway through. Needless-to-say I was trying to work out whether it was really for me and when would be the right time etc...
In July of this year I found out I was pregnant. It wasn't planned at all and was of course a bit of a surprise, but then again, we were taking risks - and we were both complicit in this. It's almost as if deep down our bodies had decided that the time was right though our minds may not have. Interestingly we didn't even discuss not having it, it was as if it was a non-issue. Still, that doesn't mean to say it didn't screw with my mind quite considerably - and if I think about it too much, it still hurts my head.
So now I'm just over 21 wks pregnant. We've had 3 scans all in all (including nuchal fold & anomaly) and, those, together with my fast expanding stomach, suggest to me that this is really happening.
The first 3 mths were ok, I wasn't sick at all (although I felt a little icky now and then, but nothing that a bunch of grapes couldn't sort), and wasn't too tired. These last few weeks, however, have been pretty awful - almost as if I'm being punished for having it easier earlier on. Intense pains in my back, legs, pelvis and lower stomach - and that coupled with having 5 fibroids, 2 the size of small oranges, means that I'm not so comfortable, have to take lots of paracetamol etc. and sleep very poorly. So I've been ranting a lot about this, bending the ear of anyone who makes the serious mistake of asking me how I am.
HOWEVER, I have decided that one pain-management technique (as well as physio etc.) has to be changing my mental attitude. This blog will therefore now provide the space for this. Over the next few weeks I plan to post pictures and positive thoughts, if only for the sake of this little creature inside of me. It might be that someone else reading this has found pregnancy considerably harder or at least different from friends/textbooks, and are also looking for ways forward...
At the end of the day I am an incredibly lucky person and we are genuinely extremely excited about our future sprog - it's just this feeling is somewhat dampened when I'm not well, when I'm in so much pain that my mind drifts off to radical pain relief techniques like jumping off a cliff (this is a joke of course, but the desperation at that point is concerning). I want some humour too, and so I'll go looking for that - it's clear this post has been entirely devoid of it! Ha ha.