Mother nature punching you in the stomach

I have a theory. When I was in my late teens I barely noticed the time of the month* passing through... my early 20s saw a slight aching around tampax time*, and now it seems, at the ripe old age of 29 that mother nature gives me a nice prolonged punch in the stomach that recochets throughout my whole being, and lasts until the ibuprofen kicks in. Now, call me paranoid, but my theory goes like this - when I hit my 30th in a few months time she's probably gonna elongate the pain to a week, then two weeks until she gets her way and I reproduce.
Well it's clearly war - I say, bring it on... I'll continue taking that delectable pill and I'll continue to turn my back on that old hag.

Or maybe its my just-desserts for buying a mobile phone and a gym membership. ha ha.

PS ... June... when the hell did that sneak up on us?
PPS *I read to my horror that another word for this is 'kate-bushing'. I find this offensive, and I'm certain Kate would too.